


levi goes to quick chek

by levisleftthigh69 (diosleftthigh69)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Convenience Store, Character Death, Cheese, Crack, Death, Despair, Foot Fetish, Giant feet, Hope, Huge - Freeform, I Tried, Mac and Cheese, Men Crying, Other, Sad Ending, Sidewalk - Freeform, Tax evasion, Taxes, Vore, Walking, big - Freeform, crackfic, elbow macaroni, enormous, macaroni, massive, mikasa es tu casa, quick chek, speedrun, world record speedrun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29232744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diosleftthigh69/pseuds/levisleftthigh69
Summary: levi wants to buy boxed macaroni and cheese at his local quick chek but then he gets attacked and he speedruns his journey to get maccy cheesy
Relationships: Levi/Kraft Mac and Cheese
Kudos: 7





	levi goes to quick chek

**Author's Note:**

> i am on season 2 i don't know who any of these people are

one day levi was hungry and he was sitting so he stood up on his fully functioning 2 legs and announced, "i hunger and i crave elbow macaroni." he was very menacing for a 30 year old stuck in the body of a 12 year old. his soldiers looked at him with blank expressions. "fetch me maccy cheesy." he commanded. they looked at him weird. everyone knows there is no elbow macaroni behind the walls, or is there? levi knew what he was doing when he jumped out the fucking window and fell on the ground breaking several bones and getting up as if nothing just happened. he stood there for a hot minute before realizing he was being stared at by someone taller than him. "what are you doing you sleep deprived cabbage?" said the hot blonde man. "dude i really need some kraft mac and cheese." levi admitted honestly. erwin looked at him awkwardly for several seconds, judging him severely before leaving to eat a 7 layer bean burrito. little did he know he would regret that choice for the rest of his life. 

levi then embarked on his journey to find a quick chek in his human land. he walked the streets for days without food and water before he stubbed his toe on the sidewalk. he stared at the sidewalk. he then proceeded to attack the sidewalk. "grrr sidewalk you are getting in the way of my pursuit of life, liberty, and prosperity." said captain levi as he started being attacked by the sentient sidewalk of the town. "what the fuck? am i on 37 ounces of crack cocaine right now?!?!?" he asked himself as he realized he got no sleep for the past several days. levi was so tired that he was convinced that the sidewalk was attacking him. he ran so fast that he started speedrunning his journey to get to quick chek. "i am literally on world record pace, don't let me down RNG." he said as he ran faster than any horse could ever gallop. and then he found a quick chek and stopped his livesplits. "world record hell yeah baby!!" he said expressing genuine happiness for the first time in his life.

"ah, quick chek." said he as he ventured into the convenient establishment. "i, captain levi, demand a box of kraft mac and cheese." he said majestically. people stared at him, getting to see the amazing captain levi, the same captain levi who suffers from caffeine withdraw, right in the flesh. he explored the aisles, using his maneuver gear to drag himself along the small store. items flew from the shelves and there was much damage done due to the hook thingies piercing the floor and the shelves. but then he found it... the last pristine box of kraft mac and cheese within the walls. "kraft....... is it really you????" he said blushing at the box of kraft mac and cheese. he swallowed and caressed the box. "maccy cheese..,.,." he drooled. little did he know he was being watched for the 50th time in this fanfic by the trio of competent losers. "uh... captain levi..? what are you doing?" asked armin hammer baking soda. he jerked his neck quickly to greet the three. levi had a mortified look on his face. "how long have you been watching for?" he asked as he clutched his box of elbow macaroni, poorly attempting to hide it from the three goons. "at least 30 minutes." answered eren. levi looked at him and then looked at the box of kraft mac and cheese and then back at eren and then back at the box of kraft mac and cheese. "tell a soul and i will eviscerate you all." he said and walked away. "mikasa es tu casa." said mikasa. the three walked away with their turkey and cheese luncheables and got back to punching people in the face who took their lunch money.

"sir. i must purchase this box of kraft macaroni and cheese." he said seriously as he made no eye contact with the cashier. "yes sir." said the cashier very formally. he rung up his box of maccy cheesy and levi payed for it and left the store elegantly. as soon as he left the quick chek a giant foot crashed down in front of him. "GIANT FEET??!?!?! AWOOOOOOGA!!!" said commander erwin who secretly followed levi the entire time. "nani?!??!?! titan?!??!!!?!?!" said eren as he bit his thumb. it fell on the ground. he just straight up bit the entire appendage off his hand. it wasn't a special fall or anything- it just plopped on the ground with a single shred of glory. nice one, eren. he looked at it in disbelief and started crying, so did armin hammer baking powder. "mikasa es tu casa." mikasa said and stabbed the giant foot. it was literally just a massive foot with no body attached to it. then the foot jumped up and the wind the foot made caused levi to fall and drop his precious box of kraft mac and cheese. the foot landed back on the ground, gracefully crushing levi's box of elbow macaroni into pieces. levi looked at it in disbelief, fear, and despair all at once. "how could this happen?!?! i just wanted macaroni and cheese!!! IT WAS THE LAST BOX OF KRAFT MAC AND CHEESE IN EXISTENCE!!!" he said as he got down on his knees and cried hysterically. "crying noises." he said and went back to his usual baggy eyed, sleep deprived, caffeine withdrawled self. he then walked away with shame and disappointment when he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. "mikasa es tu casa." she said as he handed levi a single piece elbow macaroni. levi stared at her and then examined where the box was crushed, only one macaroni noodle remained. it was a miracle. levi started crying tears of joy. "there really is hope after all." he sniffed. "mikasa es tu casa." mikasa put her hand on his shoulder once more and proceeded to vanish into thin air, never to be seen again.

levi watched as she disintegrated mysteriously and watched eren and armin crying like infants. "stop crying you infantile brainlets." levi said menacingly and short. "ok." they said in unison like conjoined twins and then everybody got vored by a big ugly naked person the end.


End file.
